Good date, bad date, either way it has to end at some point. But howyou would like it to end and how you go about taking the next steps (ornot) depends on what you say and do at the end of the first date.
Ifyou’re on a horrible date or you just haven’t felt that connection it’sbest to be polite, ride it out until your earliest chance to leaveappears. Unless it’s the most disastrous date in history, don’t justjump up mid-conversation and give some lame excuse and leave. Eitherway you cut it, no one wants to feel dumped on the spot. If you reallycan’t bear the thought of continuing the date, wait for a suitable timeto make your exit, say, when dinner is over.
Again, be polite,tell the other person you’ve had a good time but unfortunately youhaven’t felt a connection. If you’re on a great date and you want tobook another one, express to the other person what a great time you’rehaving and see if they echo that feeling. This will help you test outthe waters to see if asking for a second date is warranted. If you’vefound something in common like art galleries, bring up a new exhibityou’re dying to see and suggest you go together!
If you’realready at the end of the date and you feel you could land anotherdate, be brave and just asked! It may be a bit scary but it’s the onlyway to ensure that second date. A casual “I had a great time, I’d loveto go out again if you’re up for it” is simple and effective but alsooffers the other person a chance to voice their feelings. Above all,just be honest – remember there is a difference between honestly andbluntness. You may need to sugar coat it if you’ve just been on theworst date ever, but there is no point in pretending or lying aboutyour time together. Honesty is key, and trust me, your date willappreciate it!
So you have made it past all the online conversations, the telephonecalls and know you are turning your online dating experience intoreality. To start things of on the right foot there are a few thingsthat you should refrain from saying on a first date:
Discussingawful first date experiences: No one really wants to hear about yourother encounters when they hardly know you at all, so save the storiesfor a few dates later when you have gotten to know each other a bitbetter.
Don’t discuss your bad habits: Yes honesty is the bestpolicy but there’s no reason that you have to pick your teeth after asteak dinner. There’s also no reason that your date needs to know thedetails of how you bite your nails, so if you could contain the smallerthings for a little while it may be a good idea.
Don’t talkabout your previous significant other: The reason you are on this dateis to get to know the person on the other side of table. It is not totalk about your ex, your previous plans with your ex or the things thatyou loved/hated about your ex. Use the date to learn more about the oneyou are with now and you will be much better off.
All in all,a good rule of thumb to follow would be to evaluate if you would beinterested in hearing this information, if the answer is no thanchances are the other person doesn’t want to hear it either.
BEST FIRST IMPRESSIONS!
GETTING THE FIRST DATE RIGHT: A WINNING YOU,
MISTAKES TO AVOID
Through some enticing combination of screen time andvoice communication it’s come down to this—the first date. Is it theopening page of a story that will last a lifetime? Or a disappointingevening you may never get back?
THE LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT
There are two kinds of first dates. Short ones andlong ones. If the conversation leading up to it has been brief—say acouple of messages, maybe a quick call—it makes sense to meet just forcoffee or a drink at a public place you choose together.
We often know in just minutes whether we feel aconnection and are attracted to somebody. There’s no end of tomorrowsif the spark is there (you can even turn drinks into dinner if it’slove at first sight). But the short date gives singles a comfortableway to introduce themselves, learn a little about each other and make agraceful exit. Besides, almost everyone is interesting for an hour.
Then there’s the long first date. This likely comesup after a more extensive connection, probably including some“getting-to-know-you” conversations. Ready to invest in an evening?Here’s how to make the best of it. (Most of what follows also appliesto the short date and we know you’re smart enough to figure out whichones or you wouldn’t be here.)
1. BE YOURSELF, BUT BE YOUR BEST SELF
Althoughit’s easier said than done, we’re really at our most attractive whenwe’re being ourselves, relaxed and natural. Trying too hard to impressoften achieves the opposite. It’s a date, not a court appearance. Butdon’t get too relaxed. Dating still means bringing two grown peopletogether, each with their own particular history. A certain amount ofcare and consideration is in order. Trust your instincts; err on theside of caution.
2. FLATTERY IS GOLDEN
Flatterymay not get you everywhere but it’s a good step in the right direction.We all like to be seen as appealing or talented. Find somethingattractive or interesting about your date and let him or her know itand the earlier in the date the better. It will put your date at ease.(“What a great smile you have!” “Brilliant suggestion! I’ve alwayswanted to try this place.”)
3. ASK QUESTIONS
Considerpreparing for the date; take another look at their dating profile.Asking thoughtful questions does a bunch of good things so have a fewready. Questions get people talking about their favorite subject(themselves); meanwhile you get to learn a lot about them. Ask aboutwork or career interests. Who are their best friends? What are theirfavorite places in town? What do they like to do in their spare time?What are they passionate about? Ask follow up questions. Surely there’scommon ground. An interesting coincidence?
4. PAY CLOSE ATTENTION
Avoidscanning the room and maintain eye contact. Make your date feel theyhave your undivided attention. The only conceivable reason to have yourcell phone with you is for serious emergencies; in that case, let theother person know about it up front. If you absolutely must checkmessages a trip to the bathroom will provide cover. Otherwise,answering your phone or checking messages at the table earns you aticket to The First Date Hall of Shame.
5. IT’S A CONVERSATION, NOT A MONOLOG
Listenas much as you talk. It’s fine to talk about yourself but keep a lid onit. Mystery sells better than history sometimes. Avoid rants about yourexes; in fact keep discussion of past relationships to a minimum. Bepositive. Allow for response time. Watch and mirror your date’s moodand body language. Be funny. And don’t talk about sex (unless it’ssomething funny…and maybe even then).
6. ESPECIALLY FOR MEN
By almostall accounts, women like a man with a plan, a bit of a take chargeattitude. It suggests you’ll be a solid, protective partner. Arrangethe long first dating date well in advance, select a familiarrestaurant (it doesn’t have to be expensive and maybe shouldn’t be),make the reservations and call her to confirm arrangements. Show up ontime and demonstrate approval with an early compliment (if all elsefails “you look great,” delivered with the boy-am-I-a-lucky-guy headshake, will do the job). Some authorities claim that a sense of humorvirtually guarantees a man a second date. And, unless there’s been anexplicit understanding to the contrary, pick up the check. (Draw it toyou right away but don’t look at it for awhile.)
THE CLOSE: SHORT OR LONG
Whether it’s been the short cup of coffee or the longevening date, if it doesn’t look like there’s a bright future it’s wiseto avoid expressing false intentions. “I’ve enjoyed meeting you” orsomething noncommittal works better than “let’s do this again” if youhave no such intention. It’s part of life if things don’t cometogether. A more compatible connection is waiting for you right here atYouand.me.
On the other hand, if the spark is lit and clearlymutual it’s okay to set another date, share a brief caress and a lightkiss. The first date is behind you, one of those things that onlyhappen once in a relationship. The electrifying promise of an intimateconnection beckons on the romantic horizon.
Places to go on a free date
So the hard part is over and you’ve landed yourself afirst date! Now the question arises where should the two you go? Toomany people rely on the boring dinner and a movie cliché that almostguarantees disaster. In these tough economic times people may not havea lot of money to plan an elaborate first date. I was left ponderingthe question, “Is there anyway two people can have a good and fun freedate?” The answer to this question is a resounding yes! It ispossible to have a quality time on a budget. The following list ishardly comprehensive, but it is a start to help you start thinkingabout ways to put together good free dates.
1. Know the area. There are a lot of cool landmarks,museums, and historical locations in the world, and chances are yourarea has at least a few of its own. Look around for museums that havefree admission. Museums and historical landmarks are great for a fewreasons. First, if the conversation lulls there is always something totalk about it. If nothing else you can talk about the art work on thewall of the museum or the placard of historical information at ahistoric location. Many people do not take time out of their busyschedules to really get to know the area they live in. So doing yourresearch can pay off! In fact, it will look like you were trying to becreative! There is no reason your date should ever have to know youwere trying to save money.
2. The use-up-my-cupboard picnic — Go out for apicnic and create the menu out of things that you already have in yourcupboard. There is nothing less romantic than a picnic even if all youserve is sandwiches, chips, and a cheap bottled drink. Try having thepicnic at night so that you can lay back and gaze up at the stars.
3. Go for a nature walk. If you area has a localhiking spot, and your date is not too afraid of the outdoors, why nottry a nice hike. It is a great opportunity to get to know one anotherbetter while enjoying the innate beauty of nature.
4. Free concerts. There are tons of bars and pubsand even universities that put on free concerts all the time. Keepyour eye open. Whether your date likes grunge punk rock or classicalmusic you should be able to find a place that offers the style of musicthat you are looking for.
5. Open mic nights. A lot of coffee shops offer openmic nights on everything from poetry jams to stand-up comedy. Sincethe performers are amateurs there is usually little or no admission.
The most important thing about setting up the perfectfree date is to be creative. The sky is the limit when it comes tothis. Even if the date flops, I guarantee the person will appreciatethat you put some thought into the date, and that you had a plan. Iwish you the best of luck on your next free date!